


without you

by soonyoungah



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, rating because of implied sex and drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 01:19:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13112871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soonyoungah/pseuds/soonyoungah
Summary: jihoon thinks that when soonyoung leaves, he will miss being in his boyfriend's embrace the most.





	without you

_14 days left._

 

Jihoon acts as if everything is fine. He doesn't say anything, but everyone around him knows he isn't.

 

"There's nothing I can do." 

 

This sentence runs through his mind a million times more. He can't help it. There's nothing Soonyoung can do either. 

 

But all his friends would like to tell him otherwise, even if it meant to be a white lie.

 

-

 

"Will you be sending me off?" Soonyoung asks.

 

Jihoon stops in his tracks. Soonyoung takes a sip of his drink which he couldn't finish during the movie. He looks at Jihoon, waiting for his answer, but the younger seems slightly uncomfortable to speak of the topic yet.

 

"I think it might be better-"

 

"Maybe," Jihoon murmurs. "I'll think about it."

 

The couple walks in silence, hand in hand. Jihoon counts the number of times he gets to walk Soonyoung home until his departure.

 

10 more times, he thinks. Soonyoung clears his throat and turns himself to face his boyfriend.

 

"We should start talking about it," Soonyoung says.

 

Jihoon takes a step back in silence. He looks up at Soonyoung, all while avoiding eye contact.

 

"Like you said, there's nothing you can do about it. And there's nothing I can do either, so let's not talk about it. I cannot bear the thought of you having to leave me. I don't want to think about how we are going to deal with this long distance thing, because I know nothing good will come out of it," Jihoon says. He's clenching his fist, not because he's angry, but because he's trying to stop his tears from falling.

 

Soonyoung lets out a sigh. He steps forward and hugs Jihoon, but Jihoon doesn't budge.

 

Jihoon thinks that when Soonyoung leaves, he will miss being in his boyfriend's embrace the most.

 

-

 

_7 days left._

 

Soonyoung waits patiently at the amusement park entrance while snacking on his churros.

 

“Hey, sorry for being late,” Jihoon pops up behind him with a smile. Soonyoung laughs as it off, saying he’s used to it by now. They greet with a hug and then head into the amusement park.

 

Jihoon thinks that when Soonyoung leaves, he wouldn’t be able to find someone as perfect as his boyfriend.

 

-

 

_4 days left._

“I don’t understand why you have to be so negative about this,” Soonyoung raises his voice at Jihoon.

 

It’s evident that Jihoon is about to break down, but he doesn’t back down on this. They have been keeping quiet about this whole matter of Soonyoung leaving and them having a long distance relationship for too long, and Jihoon thinks that today should be the day they finally discuss about it. But Soonyoung is shouting at him, and he doesn’t want to do this anymore.

 

“This is the reason why I didn’t want to talk about this,” Jihoon says under his breath, just loud enough for his boyfriend to hear. “Everyone knows that long distance relationship will never work; no matter how much we love each other. You know that.”

 

Soonyoung looks away. He’s thinking twice about his life choices - maybe he shouldn’t have chosen passion over his boyfriend – or maybe he did the right thing.

 

Soonyoung always felt as if he was never good enough for Jihoon. Jihoon composes good music as a career, and even though he would always have sleepless nights and obvious dark circles from time to time, Jihoon has never once rejected a date initiated by Soonyoung.

 

And to Soonyoung himself, he was just a mediocre dance instructor who could never tolerate mistakes. It was selfish of him to leave Jihoon all alone here just because of his stupid dream. He should have been happy with what he had, or he could have just changed his job.

 

He now thinks about the fact that having Jihoon as his lover is like having the world.

 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have chosen to-”

 

“Don’t say that you shouldn’t have left me here. We both know this is a huge thing for you, and I’m really, really glad for you,” Jihoon says. He stands up from the bed. “I just don’t know how to deal with this right now, even though I had all the time in the world to prepare my heart for the past 3 months.”

 

Soonyoung looks at the floor, and then at the framed photos on his bed frame. He stands up, grabs Jihoon to face him and smashes their lips together.

 

The kiss is rough and sensual. Jihoon is crying by now, and so is Soonyoung. Both of them wanted time to stop, and they both knew it was impossible. “Time waits for no one”, Wonwoo will always remind Soonyoung.

 

The kiss lasts for at least half an hour more, but to them, it felt like a minute.

 

Soonyoung decides to have a sleepover at Jihoon’s because he thinks that his boyfriend might start crying alone to sleep, and he doesn’t want that. The least he can do now is to be there for him, physically.

 

“3 more nights,” Soonyoung whispers as he pushes his sleeping boyfriend’s hair away from his face.

 

“I’m sorry I can’t be a good boyfriend.”

 

Jihoon hears it, and tries to keep his tears in. He tells himself that Soonyoung doesn’t have to see him in such a state when he is leaving so damn soon.

 

Jihoon thinks about how his life is going to be when Soonyoung leaves, and ends up in tears.

 

-

 

_3 days left._

 

The couple decides to have a last minute gathering party with the other boys before Soonyoung’s departure. Soonyoung buys like 40 bottles of soju just for 13 people, thinking it would be a great idea to get all drunk and hyped just before he leave, all for the memory.

 

Jihoon slaps Soonyoung’s arm when he sees the 2 cartons of soju arrive at his boyfriend’s doorstep.

 

“You’re crazy,” he says.

 

“And you’re still in love with me.”

 

“Please do not think so highly of yourself.”

 

“Then please enlighten me if I’m wrong, honey.”

 

Jihoon rolls his eyes and walks off to prepare a set of playlist for the farewell party later.

 

The boys arrive an hour late, which was totally expected of them, Jihoon thinks. Soonyoung hugs each and every single one of them while passing them a bottle of soju each. “Finish it, no leftover tonight!” he tells them. Seungcheol gladly takes the challenge.

 

It’s 3am now, and Soonyoung is drunk as hell. He tries to make his way across his other drunk friends that are lying on the floor, half dead. The music is still blasting, which is making Soonyoung’s head throb like it’s not already hurting enough. He stumbles into the kitchen and pops headache pills into his mouth.

 

Jihoon is on his computer working on his weekly assignment that has to be submitted in 4 days’ time. He gulps down the last bit of soju left in the bottle, and heads to the kitchen to dispose it.

 

“Hey, baby!” Soonyoung throws his arms up when he sees Jihoon.

 

Jihoon scoffs and smacks his boyfriend’s hand away from his face. Clearly, he isn’t accepting any drunk bullshit from Soonyoung today.

 

“Get a grip, idiot.”

 

“Who are you talking to?”

 

“You, oh my god. You bloody idiot.”

 

“Me? Oh– oh! Hello, nice to meet you, my name is Soonyoung!”

 

Jihoon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. This is the reason why he was so against the entire damn idea of sharing 40 bottles of soju among 13 boys.

 

“How many bottles soju did you have?” Jihoon asks, while wrapping his arms around Soonyoung’s waist, slowly dragging him into his room. 

 

“Seungcheol and I had a competition to see who would get drunk first, you know. I had 6, and he blacked out at 5 and a half!” Soonyoung slurs excitedly, while smiling foolishly at Jihoon, eyes still clouded. Jihoon lets out a laugh and shakes his head.

 

“Not like you are anywhere better, babe. You’re drunk as hell now,” Jihoon throws Soonyoung onto his bed and Soonyoung’s head hits the bed frame. He screams in pain, and Jihoon rushes to him, laughing at the same time.

 

“Am I bleeding?” Soonyoung pouts.

 

“No, but my heart is bleeding,” Jihoon says, hoping that his boyfriend is too drunk to remember what he just said.

 

Soonyoung sits up straight to face Jihoon, who is standing. He throws his arms around Jihoon’s waist, while mumbling several excuses that he’s totally not drunk.

 

“I can see that you’re totally not drunk.”

 

“You sound so sarcastic!”

 

“Oh, I didn’t know you could sense sarcasm despite being drunk. I’d say that’s-“

 

“I love you.”

 

Jihoon feels his heart skip a beat, but it wasn’t the best feeling in the world either. He knows, and hasn’t forgotten about the fact that his boyfriend will be leaving him (physically, Soonyoung likes to emphasize) in 2 more nights.

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“Why won’t you say it back to me?” Soonyoung looks up at Jihoon, eyes round and watery. Jihoon smiles, while moving Soonyoung’s fringe away from his eyes.

 

“Go to sleep.”

 

“Not until you say-“

 

Jihoon cuts Soonyoung off with a gentle peck on his lips.

 

Soonyoung, being a drunk piece of shit he is, tries to make a move on Jihoon. He pulls Jihoon back for another kiss, but this time, a rough one. Jihoon returns the kiss, while he crawls onto his bed, pinning his boyfriend down with his legs.

 

Jihoon thinks that he will miss Soonyoung’s delicate touch when he leaves.

 

-

 

_2 days left._

Soonyoung wakes up all groggy and naked, but the moment he finds Jihoon (naked, too) snuggling up to him all smiley while asleep, he doesn’t move. He quietly wishes that they can just stay like this forever, which is obviously just a wish.

 

Jihoon stirs awake, slowly opening his eyes to meet with Soonyoung’s. He flinches because of Soonyoung’s strong alcohol smell and pushes himself out of his boyfriend’s embrace.

 

“You’re smelly,” he shoots a disgusted look.

 

“As if you’re not.”

 

“You smell like 6 bottles of soju, babe.”

 

“And you smell like cum,” Soonyoung laughs.

 

“Whose fault is that? And who told you to have 6 bottles of soju?” Jihoon rolls his eyes.

 

“I really drank that much? I’m impressed with myself.”

 

“Go and bathe,” Jihoon says, getting off the bed.

 

“Join me,” Soonyoung gets off the bed too, and then proceeds to drag Jihoon to the bathroom with a chuckle. Jihoon follows obediently.

 

-

_It’s tomorrow._

 

Jihoon shoves the polaroid camera into his bag before he leaves the house. “Let’s make full use of today,” he tells himself.

 

Soonyoung is early again. He sips on the huge cup of cola while waiting for Jihoon’s arrival at the zoo.

 

“Hey,” Jihoon gives Soonyoung a back hug when he arrives. Soonyoung smiles, and passes the cup of cola to Jihoon.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

It’s 4pm, and they decide to take a rest from all the endless walking. They sit down at the cafe near the entrance of the zoo. Jihoon whips out his polaroid camera and gives Soonyoung a look.

 

“Um.”

 

“Oh, you still have it!”

 

“Yeah, of course. You gave it to me on our first anniversary.”

 

“I honestly thought you threw it away,” Soonyoung sulks.

 

“I didn’t. It was just rotting at one corner in my closet. Let’s... take one together.”

 

Soonyoung looks up from his cake, rather surprised. Jihoon hates to take photos - no matter how Soonyoung convinced him, he would always come up with excuses to avoid having a photo taken together.

 

“Oh, wow.”

 

“I just thought we should make today’s memory a more special one.”

 

Soonyoung plays with Jihoon’s fingers, smiling.

 

“You’re right.”

 

The couple leaves the zoo after a long day, and decides that they should have dinner over at their favourite restaurant.

 

Soonyoung spreads out all the polaroids across the dining table while waiting for their food to arrive.

 

“You know what’s my favourite thing about polaroids? It’s because–”

 

“Because you can’t duplicate one,” Jihoon finishes Soonyoung’s sentence without a thought. “You say this every time you try to psycho me to take a polaroid with you, babe.”

 

Soonyoung smiles. That’s his favourite thing about Jihoon too - although he may seem as if he doesn’t care, but he does. And that is all that matters.

 

“I love you too,” Soonyoung laughs.

 

Jihoon thinks that Soonyoung’s laughter is the best kind of healing in the world.

 

-

 

It’s 4am, and Jihoon is still awake.

 

He’s counting the number of hours until Soonyoung leaves the country – 10 hours more. He stares at Soonyoung’s silhouette in silence. He delicately traces his finger from his forehead, down his nose, and then his lips.

 

He smiles, as Soonyoung stirs in his sleep.

 

“What time is it?” Soonyoung mumbles, slightly frowning.

 

“It’s four. Go back to sleep.”

 

“Mhmm…”

 

Soonyoung falls back into slumber, pulling Jihoon closer to him.

 

Jihoon thinks that he won’t be able to take it when Soonyoung isn’t by his side to cuddle with him anymore.

 

-

 

It’s noon. Everyone is at the airport sending Soonyoung off, but Jihoon is nowhere to be seen.

 

“Where is Jihoon?” Soonyoung asks the boys.

 

“I thought he came with you?” Seungcheol is obviously as confused as Soonyoung.

 

“He was already out of the house when I woke up,” he says, quite worried. “Please tell me he’s okay.”

 

Mingyu comes running, asking Soonyoung to check the male toilet because apparently, he coincidentally bumped into a sobbing Jihoon in the toilet. Soonyoung can only laugh in reply before running to the said toilet.

 

Soonyoung swiftly pulls Jihoon into the handicapped toilet when Jihoon comes out the male toilet. He locks the door, pinning Jihoon against the wall at the same time. Jihoon is still sobbing, which made Soonyoung fluster even more.

 

“I was so worried for you,” Soonyoung whispers, wiping away Jihoon’s tears.

Jihoon looks up at Soonyoung faces, but avoids eye contact. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it back again.

 

“What is it?” Soonyoung prompts.

 

“When… when I… woke up, I couldn’t bring myself to face you because I didn’t want accept the fact that you were going to leave today. I was too angry with myself so I left the house – you see, I had almost 3 months to prepare myself but–”

 

Soonyoung presses his lips against Jihoon’s. It’s wet, because of Jihoon’s tears, but Soonyoung doesn’t mind.

 

“I will come and visit you soon,” Jihoon says, still sobbing. He tugs onto Soonyoung’s shirt, not wanting to let go.  

 

Soonyoung’s heart clenches at the sight of Jihoon tugging at his shirt. He has never seen this vulnerable side of Jihoon. He’s both happy and sad that Jihoon is being like this – sad because he really doesn’t want to leave Jihoon behind, happy because he _knows_ that he actually meant something to Jihoon.

 

“I love you,” Soonyoung murmurs.

 

Jihoon pulls Soonyoung in for a hug. He wraps his arms around Soonyoung’s waist, trying to control his hiccups from sobbing too much earlier.

 

“I love you too,” Jihoon says after a minute.

 

-

 

It has been 3 months since Soonyoung settled down in Melbourne. Both Jihoon and Soonyoung are thankful that the time difference isn’t huge – even though sometimes Jihoon may call at weird hours when he’s composing, but Soonyoung doesn’t mind a single bit.

 

The couple have been dealing with this long distance relationship rather well. Accept for when Jihoon shows up with obvious dark eye circles and dishevelled hair through skype – Soonyoung’s heart will always ache, but all he can do is just nag. 

 

“I miss you,” Jihoon says, while fondling with his pen.

 

“Me too.”

 

“Not that kind. I miss cuddling with you.”

 

Soonyoung smiles, but that is all he can do. “Me too.”

 

“Let me show you something,” Jihoon gets up from his chair and disappears from the monitor.

 

“Where are you going?” Soonyoung raises his eyebrows.

 

Jihoon shoves something against his camera, and Soonyoung squints his eye to see what he is trying to show.

 

“Jihoon, you’re too near to the cam.”

 

“Oh,” Jihoon moves back. “Is this okay?”

 

And then there’s silence from Soonyoung for a good one minute.

 

“Soonyoung, is this okay?” Jihoon asks again, trying to adjust whatever he is trying to show to Soonyoung.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me? This is more than okay! Why didn’t you discuss with me beforehand?!” Soonyoung is screaming through the mic, and Jihoon winces at his loud voice.

 

“You’re too loud. Besides, it’s not like you wouldn’t stop me from flying there,” Jihoon removes the air ticket from the camera.

 

“For how long?”

 

“Oh. It’s a one-way ticket.”

 

“Stop fucking around!”

 

“I’m not? I haven’t had sex in 3 months, babe.”

 

“You know that’s not what I meant!”

 

“I found a job there, Soonyoung.”

 

Soonyoung is silent for another minute.

 

“You’re too good for me,” Soonyoung tells Jihoon.

 

“Says who.”

 

Jihoon thinks that Soonyoung’s existence itself is enough to give him courage to do anything he wants.

**Author's Note:**

> okkkk this has been sitting in my draft for 3 months,, wanted to stop when they parted at the airport but idk what came over me to end it this way
> 
> anyhow, i hope u liked this! and also happy holidays~


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